Apology to Grandma

I got shouted at by my dad last night. We'd barely connected on Skype before he was having a go at me. Or, I should say: before his stomach was having a go at me, because he still hasn't mastered the art of standing where I can see his face on the webcam.

"You swore on your blog," his stomach said to me crossly, and my mum looked anxious next to it.

"I did not!" I remonstrated.

"You did, and it upset your grandma," dad's stomach barked at me. Then he bent down so that I could see the bottom of his angry chin.

"Where?" I demanded. "When?"

"Well I don't bloody know," dad shouted: "I don't read it, do I. I've got much better things to do. But you swore, and it upset your grandma, and I don't like you upsetting your grandma. So you must email her and apologise and stop bloody swearing."

"Yeah," my mum said, raising an eyebrow at me. "I wonder where she gets that from, Mark."

"I've got the vocabulary of an angel, I'll have you know," dad stormed, and then his stomach paraded into the back of the living room so that the cat could sit on it.

I went straight back onto my blog to check for sailor-talk, and sure enough: there it was. I can imagine exactly how the moment went. Grandma will have been reading my blog outloud, possibly to my grandad - with her reading glasses put on especially - and then she will have inadvertently said the dastardly word, and there will have been a shocked pause.

"Well," grandma will have said, looking a lot like the Queen but a little bit more dignified. "I don't think that was necessary."

"She's young," grandad might have said, or possibly: "she's in a very emotional place right now. She probably didn't even notice." Then he may have added: "and it was in quotation marks, which means that somebody else said it. She's just reporting on a conversation." Or, even, "she's very busy at the moment. Maybe she didn't have time to edit properly."

Grandma will have looked even more dignified, and possibly have adjusted her glasses a little bit.

"If she's very busy I would have thought it would take less time to not add that extra word," she probably said. "And there are lots of other words to use when you're emotional. There's no need for that kind of language. No need at all."

And then she would have carried on reading the blog, because she's my grandma and she loves me and she'd already forgiven me.

Language is a funny thing. Sometimes it's less something you use to communicate, and more something that uses you. And when I'm emotional, and tired, and angry, and stressed, I forget that my writing can affect people other than myself. And make them emotional and tired and angry and stressed too.

I'm so sorry grandma. I promise to be better in future. And if I'm not, just blame my dad. I got my vocabulary from an angel too. :) x