Talent

It turns out that Facebook isn`t the only way one can procrastinate. Who knew? For people with real skill, with real passion, with a real desire to spend their time doing totally pointless and irrelevant things, there is always a way. And - without sounding too arrogant - I like to think I am one of them.

Today, I have exceeded myself: probably because I have so much more time to waste now that I am no longer as socially interactive.

First of all, I made a coffee.

Then I discussed with Harai the difference between "mosquito" and "eskimo" (because I look like an eskimo, today, and not a mosquito).

I tidied my desk. And retidied it. And messed it up again. And discussed the villains from Spiderman 1,2 and 3 and found pictures to illustrate my point (which is that there are villains in Spiderman 1, 2 and 3).

Then I created a brand new email account. I changed all the settings and played with the colours so it looked pretty. I moved all of my contacts - one by one - from one email account to another. Of course, there was a button I could press that would do it all for me in two seconds, but oh no: one button? That`s of no use to me. If it doesn`t take me twenty five minutes it`s not what I`m looking for. I caught up with a few old friends by email - included a few little adhoc and nostalgic stories about our childhoods together in them, just for the sake of effective bonding - and updated my email profile even though it is set as private. I investigated every single thing that could be done on the settings page (including finding out what a POPmail is: very useful), and then I investigated all the other things that could be done on all of the related pages that have ever been linked to or will ever be linked to.

When that was fully, fully explored - and no corners were cut, let me assure you - Gmail suggested that I set up a Google home page, so - because it was done so politely - I did just that. I added a currency exchange button and a Wikipedia button and a button showing pretty pictures and a button that had a spider on it, until I remembered that I don`t like spiders and removed it again. I moved them around the page many, many times. I changed the theme, so that I would feel truly comfortable when I was online. And - in a matter of merely five or six hours - I was technologically very, very efficient. I had saved many, many minutes of time annually.

Then I wrote a paragraph of my book.

When that was done - in about three minutes - I went outside and sat on the pavement for a little while, practicing my Japanese by asking lots of questions about vegetables in English. Then I swept the English room. Then I decided to make a little display of Western Celebrities photos - including Johnny Depp - on the board. For the sake of the children, obviously.

I made another coffee. And discussed with Harai the computer game he is playing ("Fighters of God." Not "Fighters of Goat.")

I read a Japanese fairytale because the front cover had a dog on it.

I searched for Nice Beaches In Vietnam on Google. And established that there are some.

I wrote another paragraph of my book. This took two and a half minutes.

And then I went back to see if I should probably change my new email account theme to something a little more creative.

One day, no lessons, eight hours to myself - undisturbed - and I have been utterly, utterly unproductive. I have been unproductive with such skill, and such devotion, and such passion, that I wonder if perhaps this isn`t my real talent. Sod writing: I am The Procrastination Girl. I can find anything to do that isn`t what I`m supposed to do. Even without Facebook. And that, as far as I`m concerned, is an achievement in itself. Most people have become so used to procrastinating in just one way, they`ve forgotten that there are many, many other ways to do it.

This afternoon, when I`d changed my email account theme all over again (it has Ninjas on it now), I went back to write my book and realised - as if I had ever forgotten - that I had just one more way to procrastinate. Just one more way to push the inevitable back a little, and roll around in it a little longer.

And thankyou. Because you`ve just read it.