Illuminations

Romance truly comes in all shapes and sizes.

Harai has a girlfriend. He's had a girlfriend for some time, apparently. When I reprimanded him for not telling me sooner, he shrugged and said he forgot. Forgot. As if this new girlfriend was taking the rubbish out, or paying a gas bill. I told him that if he wanted to sit next to me for 40 hours a week going forwards he'd better not forget again, and he said he'd try but he couldn't promise anything because he has lots of other things to think about.

In truth, I've got friends who date so frequently, and with so little fussiness, that I have little to no real interest in who they had dinner with on Saturday: it's just another name I'll stumble over at some stage and get in trouble for not remembering. Harai is not one of these people. Each and every girl is an event and a curiosity, and I wanted to know more.

He was not forthcoming.

"What is she like?" I asked. I pulled my seat closer and blocked our part of the office, so he couldn't go anywhere.
"What?" he said uncomfortably. It's not culturally acceptable to be openly interested in the details of somebody else's life, but I'm still crashing my blazing Western path through the school.
"It's not a trick question, Harai. What is she like?"
"I don't know. Quiet."
"Don't be daft. What is she interested in? What does she like doing?"
"Nothing."
I laughed.
"She likes doing nothing?"
"Yes."
"Does she have any hobbies?"
"Yes. Her hobby is sleeping," he said solemnly.
"I don't think that body functions really count as hobbies, Harai. Especially not when you're unconscious for them."
"Also, knives and plates and forks."
"Her hobby is knives and plates and forks?"
"Yes."
"Give me something to work with here, for the love of God. Buying them? Collecting them?"
"No, looking at them. She likes looking at them."
"In museums?"
"No. In shops. Not buying. Just looking."
"Gosh. Looking at plates. And what else?"
"She likes looking at soft toys."
"How old is she, Harai?" I asked suspiciously. "Do I have to report you to the school board?"
"Twenty seven."
"Okay. That's alright then. Hobbies are looking at kitchenware and toys. And what does she look like?"
"I don't know."
"You have met her?"
"Yes."
"But you don't know? Are you dating with your eyes shut?"
"No. Normal. She's normal. Normal stature. Normal face."
"Height?"
"Normal. A little smaller than me." (Harai is five foot zero, but I let the word 'normal' slide.)
"And hair colour?"
"Black. Brown. Black. Red." Harai paused. "I don't know."
"Try and notice when you're at the restaurant tomorrow, for God's sake. And what do you talk about, you and this minx? While you're not talking about her sleeping?"
"We talk about the future."
"Ah. Hopes, dreams, ambitions?"
"No. We talk about our next date."
I laughed again.
"You spend your current date talking about what you will do on the next one?"
"Yes."
"And what else?"
"I think of three, maybe four topics, and then I explain them and she tells me her opinion."
"Like what topics?"
"For instance, the Illuminations in Miyazaki. I told her about them."
"And what was her opinion?"
"She likes Illuminations."
"Of course she does."
"Why are you laughing?"
"It just seems very... Sensible. All of it. She sounds very sweet, honestly, and I'm so sorry for laughing, but do you really like this girl, Harai? Will you get married?"
He shrugged again.
"Maybe. I like her very much. But I am a Japanese man," he explained. "This is normal. She would make a good wife."
"No doubt: she spends most of her time unconscious. I'd make a good wife if I was unconscious too. But, Harai.... What would your dream woman be like? What would she love? What would she be passionate about?"
He thought about it for a few minutes.
"Computer games," he said earnestly. "Dead Rising. Mortal Combat."
"And does your new girlfriend like computer games?"
"No," he said with incredible sadness. "Only when she is very drunk."
I laughed again and rolled my chair back so he could escape.
"Then I think you've just found your girlfriend two brand new hobbies."

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and far be it from any of us to understand what makes each other tick: I'm sure there is much that Harai is not telling me, and a depth of emotion he is simply refusing to show. But thank God for different tastes, because if we all wanted the same thing from love, and the same thing from romance, and the same thing from each other, few of us would get it. And with all the love I see, daily, and all the love I hear of, that's clearly not the case. It seems there's plenty to go around, and more than enough for all of us.

We just need to make sure it's allocated properly.