Nanban Man

Every time I think Japan has given me everything there is to give, I find a little bit more.

Part of the much hailed beauty of this country is in the contradictions it offers: modernity versus tradition, innocence versus seediness, solitude versus chaos, natural reserve versus friendliness, hedonism versus rigid taboos. But there is no contradiction I love quite as much here as the solemnity with which humour is always, always approached. A solemnity that only makes comedy here funnier, more surreal, and more absolutely Japanese.

Much of it has hit the West already. Japanese quiz shows are all over the internet: people trying desperately to jump through strange holes before they fall into water; men trying earnestly to play football while wearing binoculars on the wrong way round. Manga cartoons, of course, are famous all over the world: the strange, large eyed cartoons that have little stories and tendencies to undress for adult men in books they read publicly on trains and at bus stops.

What are less famous internationally, however, are their cartoon characters: made out of everything, and intended for everyone. The Shinkansen train has a cartoon with a face on it; water bills have water droplets with – yes – faces on them. Children adore little green cartoon creatures - half bean-half dog (Mameshiba) - who tell you irrelevant facts in tiny voices as you try and eat them, and adults worship a bear called Rilakkuma (Relaxybear): a cartoon middle aged man who zips himself up in a bear suit when he wants to `relax` with his teddy bear and small yellow duck friend. The most famous cartoon character in Japan, in fact, is the absolutely surreal AnPanMan: a hero who has a head made out of bean-filled bread (AnPan), and who flies around Japan saving the hungry by tearing off pieces of his head and feeding them with it. With his friends, ChocoPanMan and MelonPanGirl, he is worshipped by children all over Japan: children who buy shoes, pencils, bags, t-shirts with his round, creepy, half eaten head on it. Children who love a good hero they can nibble before dinner.

What I didn`t realize until today, however, was that these surreal cartoons aren`t just limited to national treasures. Oh, no. They have regional heroes too.

“And who are these dashing young men?” I asked Harai today, pointing to his new plastic folder (Harai who, I add, is a fully grown man). Three shiny lycra`d figures in bright pink, blue and green – with white gloves - were performing rather elegant fight stances on the front of his stationary.
“This,” he said proudly, “is Miyazaki heroes.”
“All men?” I asked, staring at their lycra crotches carefully.
“No. Of course not. The green one is a woman.”
“And what are they for? Who do they fight?”
“They are called JinKenJi. Which means Human Rights Rangers.”
I started laughing because Harai was very, very serious about this.
“What`s this one called?” I pointed to the shiny pink one.
“His name is…” and he paused to look it up on his computerized dictionary. “Prejudice.”
“And this one?” I pointed to the blue one with his hands on his hips.
“That is Discrimination.”
“What about the girl Ranger?”
“She is Bullying.”
“And do all Prefectures have their own Super Heroes?”
“Of course. Nagano has Rice Man. He is like this but white with rice coming out of head.”
“They should have a Chicken NanBan Man,” I told him flippantly, still laughing. Chicken NanBan is a local Miyazakan delicacy: deep fried chicken covered in egg and tartare sauce.
“Oh, they do,” he told me, nodding fervently. And then he drew a picture of a chicken man wearing a black leather jacket. “This is Chicken NanBanCho. It means Chicken Nanban School Hero.”
I started snorting uncontrollably.
“Oh God, this has just made me so happy. Where`s the sauce?”
“It`s on his head,” Harai said solemnly, pointing at it without so much as a flicker.
At which point I started squealing with laughter and had to wait a few minutes until I could get my breath back.
"You`re all crazy, you know that?" I finally told him.
"No," Harai said. "We`re very normal. You are crazy."
Which, I suppose, is a legitimate argument against a girl who last night dreamt about a blue ghost kitten and tried to feed it yoghurt.

Japan is the funniest, craziest country in the world: not least because it has no idea. And that, in my opinion, is always the best sort of comedy.

The totally solemn kind.