Writer, photographer, "rapper" and general technophobe takes on the internet in what could be a very, very messy fight. But it's alright: she's harder than she looks, and she's wearing every single ring she could get her hands on.


Friday, 14 May 2010


The party has started.

Not right now, obviously. That would not be a good start to any party; inviting people in and then sitting in my study and writing my blog while they sit on the carpet and wait for me to open the fridge for them.

No: it starts in two hours. The countdown.

I'm drunk already. I thought that would be the best way to handle the stress. Except that now I'm drunk on UmeShu (Japanese plum wine: very nice) and I still haven't cleaned my flat or worked out where I put all the snacks or hidden all the things I need to hide or made sure the MacDonalds drink cup is out of my bathroom, where it is currently sitting on the edge of my bath (next to The Beautiful and Damned: thoroughly good book, all two pages read of it thus far). And - because I'm a bit tipsy on UmeShu - I can't be bothered to actually do anything to prepare at all. I can't even be bothered to get changed out of my work clothes.

I think - in hindsight - the nerves were perhaps there for a reason. They stop me being a lazy drunkard.

Anyway, once I've found the seven bags of marshmallows - which is what I am providing in the way of food - and swept the sushi off the floor (I dropped it; it's hard to eat sushi and drink UmeShu at the same time), I will be ready.

Except for a shower.

Once I've found the marshmallows and cleaned up the sushi and had a shower, I will be ready.

And wiped down my bath. And vacuumed.

And made my bed. And turned my computer off so that nobody knows I'm going to write a blog about them tomorrow.

And eaten all the marshmallows and then gone back to the shops to buy some more.

Actually, I don't care anymore. I'm going to drink another bottle and see what happens.

I've decided I absolutely love parties after all.